~To My Single Sisters~
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| My husband and I when we were dating. He asked me to be his girlfriend on this evening out! :) |
As girls, we love romance! There is something deep within us that desires to feel beautiful, to fall in love and to be loved. :) I've now been married for just over 7 years and through this time, there are many factors that I realized I never in a million years would have thought about or considered when dating and looking for my future husband. But these crucial factors are seriously important and will take you through ups and downs, good and bad times, happy and mad feelings, and set you on a realistic path for a solid marriage. I thought I'd share these "takeaways" with you!
NOTE: I will not (in this post) discuss the following attributes you want when dating in this specific paragraph:
-He is a solid Christian (before he met you),
-He is trustworthy (all the time),
-He is kind and respectful to you (including he does not pressure you sexually).
If he is missing any of these "Duh!!!" attributes, then stop reading this post and break up with him. (said with love) :) For ALL Christian girls, these are hands-down, a given in any boy you consider dating!
As you consider dating/courting a boy, please take note of these crucial factors:
1 - Does he fight for you?
This term can be totally over-romanticized. What I'm talking about is does he fight for your relationship when it is on the line? Does he have the courage to face his issues that are holding him back from moving forward in your relationship? Does he have the courage and humility to put his pride aside, when needed, and do whatever it takes to fix things and work through problems? Because when you are married...there will be pressures, hard times (and good!), annoyances, mistakes made, etc. You want to know that when (not
if) these things happen, that he will have the courage to stand up for you and your life that you've built. You want to know that he is willing to do whatever it takes to fight for his family and to be the MAN that you and your future children can trust. Again, it's not IF hard times will come, it's WHEN. This is life and be sure you build YOURS with a man who is courageous and will fight for you!
2 - Does he work hard and financially provide?
Maybe this is a controversial factor to some people. I've heard it said that it doesn't matter how much money he makes, as long as there is love. While this is true to a certain extent...let me tell you that 5 years (or however many years you choose!) after you're married and you have a couple of babies staring up at you...you're gonna want a solid income. You're going to want a man that you can trust will work extra and work harder if needed to provide for your children. Believe me, you will look at those precious children, and you'll want them to have the soccer lessons, the Children's Museum Pass, the vacation to Disney World, their room decorated in their favorite character. I'm just being real. And yes, there is a line between wanting more and more and more (spoiling and almost idolizing our kids), and wanting to give them a full and fun childhood. I often have to catch myself and ask God to help me simply be
content with all the MANY blessings I already have! Yes! But, I also think it's important to have a husband that will step out of his comfort zone to financially provide for the NEEDS of his family. Obviously, we (girls) can take a part in this, as well!
3 - Does he have Christian, male friends?
As women, we will naturally want to talk, lecture, explain and "remind" our husband of changes he needs to make. We'll give him valid reasons, sometimes beg and sometimes simply pray. Even the BEST of men will do things, at times, that we disagree with and/or worry us. So let me tell you...the general TALKING and EXPLAINING that we do as women, very rarely works. Sometimes ALL we can literally
do is pray. I often pray that God would somehow speak through my husband's friends, or a male leader that he respects. For whetever reason, there
will be times when your husband is not willing to hear YOU. This is when you will be SO thankful that he has strong, Godly, male friends who will give him the RIGHT advice, who will guide him back to his family, who will pray with him about "guy issues" and strengthen him to do the right thing. This is HUGE. There is something so powerful about a band of brothers...if your boyfriend does not have Godly (not just nice or church-going, but GODLY) close friends around him, beware. If he DOES have this, your future self will be soooooo grateful and find such security in this.
4 - Does he have appropriate boundaries with other females?
Both of you want to GUARD you marriage and your relationships. Does he
need attention (do YOU?) from others? When you get married - you are
each other's best friend. BEST FRIEND. You come to each other first with good news, bad news, emotions, inside jokes, outings, fun, physical tough (duh), and just everything that a best friend would do (I tell my hubby that we're "best friends with benefits" - lol!). These listed attributes and more should not be shared
at all with others of the opposite sex. Maybe some people think I'm too strict or a kinda crazy, but I don't care. I don't care what "other people" think, I care about protecting my marriage for the long haul. I care about creating a legacy for my children and for God. And in this world today, there is toooooo much temptation, so I just set strict boundaries.
5 - Does he have some kind of desires and goals for the future?
Are you on the same page for your future? Are you a goal oriented person, and he's not? Do you look toward your future and want a certain type of lifestyle (and it's OK if you do) - is he in sync with that vision? Again, don't look just at looks and charm in a man, because a few years down the road you truly will want to build a LIFE for your family. I've seen girls get VERY frustrated and lose respect for their husband because they are driven and goal-oreinted and he's just not. As a married couple, you want to be a TEAM - not on opposing teams!
6 - Is he respectful to your family?
I have seen previews for many teen movies where the boy is not liked by the father of the daughter... and they fight and the boyfriend like runs away with the daughter. It all looks romantic, but it's not. A man should not bring a wedge between a girl and her family (especially a girl and her father). This is not a good sign. It's not respectful of the girl, and creates drama and pain for the girl long-term. Instead, a boyfriend should respect a girl's family and support her parents. He should become
a part of the family and form loving relationships with her parents. This brings SO much more peace to you and your future! Don't let the love songs and movies fool you!
Marriage is beautiful and amazing - it's wonderful to build your life with someone you can trust with your future and with your future children. Choose wisely and pray fervently!
Xoxo,
Allison
Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?
The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him.
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