The Myth About the Bad Boy

Sorry, ladies, this is not a post about Ryan Gosling.  Lol!!!!

I put this picture of Ryan Gosling from "The Notebook" because I think this is every woman's dream man (one definition of dream = an unrealistic or self-deluding fantasy. Haha!) and mostly dream situation.  And not that I want to crush anyone's dreams...but sometimes I think that it's time for us girls to wake up.  Don't be mad at me!!! (sweet smile!)

I have to first state that this is my favorite part (pic above) of The Notebook! :)  I mean, after a Summer fling many years ago, this amazing guy is still pining after his true love.  When she comes back to see him (after years of zero communication), she finds that he is still desperately in love with her, is somewhat depressed with out her, and has actually built literally every part of his current life around her and hoping she'll return.  He even has grown out a beard because he just doesn't care as much about anything, including what he looks like, without her in his life (lol!).  Isn't that what we want?  A man who will forever and always, no matter what, be head-over-heels in love with us...almost depressed without us? We'll all answer "Yes!!!!" if we're honest.  Let's be clear - there is a reason why The Notebook is such a popular movie among women!

NOW - please hear me - I am not being cynical.  But what I want to share from my heart with single girls, is that The Notebook storyline is not real.  And what I mean by that, is for the most part (there are few exceptions), the rough "bad boy" in real life  that we are considering throwing our dignity, our virginity, our upbringing, our religion away for... he does not turn out like Ryan Gosling in The Notebook.  Yes, there are a very few exceptions where the bad boy turns around and becomes a good guy.  But mostly, in real life, the bad boy does not change and become the faithful man of our dreams.  In fact, 99.9% of the time, he doesn't every change and instead leaves us feeling ashamed and regretful.  

Girls - I wish I could hold your hands, look into your eyes and plead with you.  Hold on to your dignity.  Do not wish it away for a guy who excites you, but you can not fully trust with your heart. Don't look for just charm, sexual attraction and only a feeling.  It has to go deeper than that.  Don't even just look for if he is a "nice guy" (some bad boys know how to turn it on and act super nice and charming around adults, but girls, you should know when it's an act!).  The truth is - it really doesn't matter that he's "a nice guy".  It doesn't matter that he acts polite around your grandma.  Who is he on the inside?  Is he someone to trust with your heart for the long haul?

Here are some questions to ask yourself when considering a boy to date (these aren't a definite checklist or anything, just some questions to make a point and to provoke some thoughts):

• Does he value you enough to not pressure you physically?  
• Does he treat you as a treasure and not a conquest?  (Doesn't brag to his friends or try to see "how far" he can get with you physically.)
• Is he okay with getting to know you in a friendship without physical touch?  
• Does he have courage to stand up for what is right?  Does he have courage to make needed changes?  Will he fight for you?
• Does he have friends (male) that you trust are good & helpful for him, and not getting him into trouble?  This is a BIIIIGGGGG deal!  In a marriage, you will need and pray for other wise voices, besides yours, to speak into his life!
• Is he dependable?
• Is he responsible financially?  Is he going somewhere with his goals?
• Does he attend church without you or he's been attending before you were in the picture?  What are his main interests and passions?  Is God a part of that (again, before you)?
• He doesn't have to be perfect (how many young men are???), but where is his HEART?  Does he have a heart for God?  Is he convicted of his sin?  Does he humble himself before God and YOU when he messes up?
• Does he have a relationship with God?  A strong one? You need to know that when he messes up (and he will! And so will we!), that although he may not respond to you and what you're saying, although he may not be changing right away...you know and can trust that God will GET HIM and GOD will change him! :)  Knowing that your man's heart is in the right place with God is a must!

Believe me, several years from now,  when you have kids and they need not only love and attention, but you want to give them a trip to the Zoo, throw a fun birthday party, to sign them up for a sport team, or get them piano lessons...all those things we don't always think about while we're dating, you want to know that your man is dependable and you can count on him to show up, to be involved and to help grow your financials needs!  You want to know that you can trust him, that he's receiving wise council from Godly friends, that he has boundaries at work, that he prays for his family...I could go on.  At that point, when you look at those precious children and the family you're building together, you won't care that he's charming or has Ryan Gosling's beard.  Lol!  You will want a life that is full of opportunity and experiences for your family!  You will want a life with a man you can trust.

So, girls, keep your dignity and keep your standards.  Know what you want and stick to it.  Ask for advice from Godly, older women!  Keep YOUR mind and YOUR heart close to Jesus.  He will lead you to a man with a heart for God who will cherish you, uplift you, empower you, keep you safe, and together give you a blessed and grateful life and legacy!

Find a man you can trust to build a LIFE with!

Xoxo, 

Allison

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