This is one of those topics that I don't even know how to exactly start the post...or even how to title it. So...I'm gonna just dive right in. The main thoughts I want to portray is what do we do as parents, specifically mothers, when something goes wrong, when something fearful happens, etc...how do we react in front of our children? Because don't our kids learn more from what we do as opposed to what we say?
For example, I have taught my son the Bible Verse, "Be strong and Courageous, for God is with you,". He has memorized it and I have him recite it whenever he is scared at night, or has his feelings hurt, or wants to give up on a task he's working on. I'm trying to help him learn to apply the Word of God, the TRUTH to his every day, normal life. And so that's great...I'm telling and teaching him little "lessons". BUT, what I believe is his real teacher is the observation he has of me when something tough hits me. What do I do? How do I respond? Do I lash out? Do I panic? Do I flip-out, freak-out, or act all crazy, therefore creating a lot of insecurity in my children? Or, do I stay calm? Do I stop and think? Do I show him by my body language that things are secure and ok for us, that we'll be just fine? Do I recite the Word of God and His Truth to that situation? Do I trust God in that moment of every day, normal life?
So let me be honest with you and tell you why this topic even came up. This weekend my husband was really sick, so Mommy was in charge more than normal. We went to my nephew's 6-year old birthday party on Saturday afternoon and at the party my son (4 1/2 years old) was super whiny and pouty when he didn't get his way (could be anything - like not getting the exact piece of cake that had the frosting on exactly where he wanted it. And gift time was hard because his cousin got a lot of Star Wars gifts and he desperately wanted them... tough lessons every kid learns along the way!). But with this whiny and pouty-ness, he also started saying things like, "No one likes me!", and "I'm not special!", etc. By the time we left I was SUPER upset and exhausted, and because my husband was sick and wasn't there to strongly help my son through his emotional roller-coaster, I felt even more exhausted because I felt whatever I was trying to do was not working and that I couldn't control my son and snap him out of his self-absorption. My heart was burdened BIG TIME because of my son's words. Especially the "I'm not special" one. He later told my husband the same thing at bed time and then we were both majorly upset. I could barely sleep that night. I think I literally prayed off and on the entire night for my son. I woke up early before our baby woke up to read the Bible and to pray even more. For me, when something goes wrong with my family, God keeps me AWAKE and everything else goes on the back-burner...and I pray my head off. And maybe my son's little "I'm not special" statement seems trite to some people, but you see, my son is adopted and I continually pray for him that he won't give in to any lies about him "not belonging" or any other LIES about being adopted. So honestly, I felt kinda panicked...hence the not sleeping and praying all night/morning.
So in the early morning during my quiet time with God, He showed me something.
He showed me that as our children display insecurities and emotional ups and downs - that I can TRUST God with them and I personally don't need to also become insecure and show extreme emotion. That yes, I need to pray and talk to my children, but no, I don't need to panic and I certainly don't need to show my children that I'm panicking or feeling upset. I believe that if I consistently have an emotional response to my son's emotions, it could create major manipulation from him, it could escalate the situation and make him more emotional and nervous, and overall it just would not be a good example of how to take my fears to God. Wouldn't my stability help to give my son confidence and security? Isn't the opposite true, as well? Wouldn't my personal strength in an emotional situation help to de-escalate his fears and teach him how to remain strong and stable through hard times? Again, if I had a personal anxiety response to these things, wouldn't it teach him the opposite? In conclusion, God basically taught me to calm down. :) To be strong and courageous and to not panic in front of my kids. They're watching and their learning from my example.
I do not, not, not have this all together. I'm probably most insecure in all the different roles of my life, as a mother... probably because it's what I care most about and I understand the responsibility of the role.
I pray God would help me increasingly to respond to my children with strength and wisdom. I pray God would increasingly help me to come to Him with my fears, that I wouldn't take them on soooo much. I pray that God would increasingly help me to trust Him. I pray that God would increasingly make me a strong woman of God, and therefore a wise and strong example for my children.
Christian moms, let's do this together!Thanks for reading and letting me share what God is doing in my normal, every day life. I'd love to hear any responses or advice from other moms or grandmas on this topic!
Love & Blessings,
Allison
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