The Myth About the Bad Boy

Sorry, ladies, this is not a post about Ryan Gosling.  Lol!!!!

I put this picture of Ryan Gosling from "The Notebook" because I think this is every woman's dream man (one definition of dream = an unrealistic or self-deluding fantasy. Haha!) and mostly dream situation.  And not that I want to crush anyone's dreams...but sometimes I think that it's time for us girls to wake up.  Don't be mad at me!!! (sweet smile!)

I have to first state that this is my favorite part (pic above) of The Notebook! :)  I mean, after a Summer fling many years ago, this amazing guy is still pining after his true love.  When she comes back to see him (after years of zero communication), she finds that he is still desperately in love with her, is somewhat depressed with out her, and has actually built literally every part of his current life around her and hoping she'll return.  He even has grown out a beard because he just doesn't care as much about anything, including what he looks like, without her in his life (lol!).  Isn't that what we want?  A man who will forever and always, no matter what, be head-over-heels in love with us...almost depressed without us? We'll all answer "Yes!!!!" if we're honest.  Let's be clear - there is a reason why The Notebook is such a popular movie among women!

NOW - please hear me - I am not being cynical.  But what I want to share from my heart with single girls, is that The Notebook storyline is not real.  And what I mean by that, is for the most part (there are few exceptions), the rough "bad boy" in real life  that we are considering throwing our dignity, our virginity, our upbringing, our religion away for... he does not turn out like Ryan Gosling in The Notebook.  Yes, there are a very few exceptions where the bad boy turns around and becomes a good guy.  But mostly, in real life, the bad boy does not change and become the faithful man of our dreams.  In fact, 99.9% of the time, he doesn't every change and instead leaves us feeling ashamed and regretful.  

Girls - I wish I could hold your hands, look into your eyes and plead with you.  Hold on to your dignity.  Do not wish it away for a guy who excites you, but you can not fully trust with your heart. Don't look for just charm, sexual attraction and only a feeling.  It has to go deeper than that.  Don't even just look for if he is a "nice guy" (some bad boys know how to turn it on and act super nice and charming around adults, but girls, you should know when it's an act!).  The truth is - it really doesn't matter that he's "a nice guy".  It doesn't matter that he acts polite around your grandma.  Who is he on the inside?  Is he someone to trust with your heart for the long haul?

Here are some questions to ask yourself when considering a boy to date (these aren't a definite checklist or anything, just some questions to make a point and to provoke some thoughts):

• Does he value you enough to not pressure you physically?  
• Does he treat you as a treasure and not a conquest?  (Doesn't brag to his friends or try to see "how far" he can get with you physically.)
• Is he okay with getting to know you in a friendship without physical touch?  
• Does he have courage to stand up for what is right?  Does he have courage to make needed changes?  Will he fight for you?
• Does he have friends (male) that you trust are good & helpful for him, and not getting him into trouble?  This is a BIIIIGGGGG deal!  In a marriage, you will need and pray for other wise voices, besides yours, to speak into his life!
• Is he dependable?
• Is he responsible financially?  Is he going somewhere with his goals?
• Does he attend church without you or he's been attending before you were in the picture?  What are his main interests and passions?  Is God a part of that (again, before you)?
• He doesn't have to be perfect (how many young men are???), but where is his HEART?  Does he have a heart for God?  Is he convicted of his sin?  Does he humble himself before God and YOU when he messes up?
• Does he have a relationship with God?  A strong one? You need to know that when he messes up (and he will! And so will we!), that although he may not respond to you and what you're saying, although he may not be changing right away...you know and can trust that God will GET HIM and GOD will change him! :)  Knowing that your man's heart is in the right place with God is a must!

Believe me, several years from now,  when you have kids and they need not only love and attention, but you want to give them a trip to the Zoo, throw a fun birthday party, to sign them up for a sport team, or get them piano lessons...all those things we don't always think about while we're dating, you want to know that your man is dependable and you can count on him to show up, to be involved and to help grow your financials needs!  You want to know that you can trust him, that he's receiving wise council from Godly friends, that he has boundaries at work, that he prays for his family...I could go on.  At that point, when you look at those precious children and the family you're building together, you won't care that he's charming or has Ryan Gosling's beard.  Lol!  You will want a life that is full of opportunity and experiences for your family!  You will want a life with a man you can trust.

So, girls, keep your dignity and keep your standards.  Know what you want and stick to it.  Ask for advice from Godly, older women!  Keep YOUR mind and YOUR heart close to Jesus.  He will lead you to a man with a heart for God who will cherish you, uplift you, empower you, keep you safe, and together give you a blessed and grateful life and legacy!

Find a man you can trust to build a LIFE with!

Xoxo, 

Allison

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The Voice in Your Head that Says, "You are not enough..."

Have you ever heard that voice in your head saying, "You aren't doing enough." or "You should be doing more." or  "IF you were more ____, you'd be better."?

Just being real - I've definitely dealt with these thoughts A LOT.  I am super hard on myself and often beat myself up.   In fact a few months ago, these thoughts were consuming me and completely discouraging me to the point that I was filled with anxiety about it.  I felt I was letting God down, that maybe He was even disappointed in me.  Finally, I voiced these thoughts to my husband. Through him, God spoke to me and I had a MAJOR turning point.  My husband told me that he had been listening to a podcast sermon and the pastor had said the following:

When GOD speaks, He gives loving specifics.  When the Enemy speaks, He is discouragingly vague.

Whoa.  It hit me like a ton of bricks as I listened and considered what my hubby had shared.  Was this true?  Were the thoughts in my head specific?  Or were they vague?  Was I listening and believing the wrong voice?  And as I considered it, I realized - wow, it's soooooo true! GOD - he speaks to us with specifics and he speaks to move us toward a direction of healing and freedom.  The thoughts I was having were definitely not specific and definitely not helpful, and definitely were causing me anxiety, not freedom. Those thoughts were not from God.

I always want to be “real” and bring God’s word into every day, real-life situations.  Let me give you some REAL LIFE EXAMPLES of the "voices in our heads" that we hear and want to discern WHO is speaking.

Real Life Examples of how God might speak in specifics:

- I (meaning God) want you to be more patient with your husband.  When he asks for forgiveness, remember how I've forgiven you and then, forgive him.

- The woman across the street needs a friend.  Go talk with her (I've personally felt God tell me to make a specific baked good and take it to my neighbors.  But that is "me" and God knows that baking is natural to me and something I'm good at.  For someone else, the specific may be different!).

- Tell your husband that you're proud of him today.  Let him know that you are thankful for his faithfulness to you and your family.  (See how specific God is?!?  So cool!)

- Recently, my sister, Erica, texted me a Bible verse out of the blue.  She was responding to God's specific voice that she felt in her heart.  The verse was exactly something I needed to hear (it was about having courage...and I needed it for a specific situation going on at the time).  

Real Life Examples of how Satan might speak in vague-ness: - You need to do more for your husband. You need to do more for your family.  You need to be more for them.  You need to make more for them.  You need to provide more, you need to.......Ah!  (No SPECIFICS as to what exactly you need "to do"...just guilt.)

- Look at all you have as a Christian - why aren't you doing more?  Why aren't you further in your faith?  Why do you keep messing up?  You call yourself a Christian?  You should be doing more!  If you were a real Christian, you would. None of these words are guiding toward a specific change.  They're discouraging because you want to be/do more, but you don't know what or how! Do you see how the specifics in the first examples are true to God's character - loving, slow to anger (patient), etc.?  They point us to what specifically we should do NOW.  His words give us hope and direction, not discouragement and stress.  His words bring us freedom.  His words bring positive change from a loving Father.

What a break through!  Does this resonate with any of you?  I hope my break-through can encourage some of you and help us to recognize when our thoughts are from God, and when they're not!

Xoxo,

Allison

Thank you, God, for your unending love and patience with me.  You never grow weary of me.  You never get plain tired of me and the dumb things I do.  You graciously and specifically point me to the right path.   You make me new.  You pull me UP and give me hope.  Thank you.

"The LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness..." Exodus 34:6

Happy Is She...

What kind of woman do you want to become?  Who do you look up to and what characteristics does she have that you aspire?  For me, I want to be sure of who I am, sure of my purpose, sure that I'm pleasing God.  I want to be at peace inside.  

God promises us that we don't have to be the kind of women who are constantly looking around, trying to find something else to fill us.  Trying to work to please God.  Trying to prove something to ourselves and everyone around us.  We don't have to feel lost or alone.  We don't have to do it all on our own.  

NO, we can be strong.  We can be happy.  We can trust Him.  We can depend on Him.  We can know who we are in Him, and therefore be secure and rest.  We can pour into others and help one another, because we are steady and wise.

How do we do this?  God tells us in Psalm 1; it's so simple.  And it all starts with His Word.

~Psalm 1~
Happy is the man who does not follow the advice of the wicked or take the path of sinners or join a group of mockers!

Instead, his delight is in the LORD's instruction, and he meditates on it day and night. 
He is like a tree planted beside streams of water that bears its fruit in season and whose leaf does not with.  Whatever he does prospers.

The wicked are not like this; instead, they are like chaff that the wind blows away.
Therefore the wicked will not survive the judgement, and sinners will not be in the community of the righteous.

For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked leads to ruin.
-----------------------------

Word of God Wednesday is a weekly reminder of the promises of God.  I take a Bible passage and create a visual with the specific promises on them.  The full Bible passage is written underneath.  Do you have a verse or Bible passage that bring you hope and encouragement?  Please share below - I will choose one to use for a future "Word of God Wednesday"!

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I Want to Hear God Better!

Check out my YouTube Video for more on this topic!

Have you ever prayed and asked...are you hearing me, God?  Do you ever wonder if you are hearing GOD's voice...or is it just your own crazy voice in your head?  If you've ever felt this, you are not alone!  I definitely have been there!  But there are also definitely ways to hear God more, as well as ways to hinder God's voice in our lives!  He promises that if we draw near to Him, He will draw near to us!  I believe it! 

Here are 4 ways we can draw nearer to God and hear Him more clearly:

1 - Get to Know God!

You know how it is when you first meet someone, say a close friend or your boyfriend?  At first you kinda know them on a surface level.  You think you know things about him/her, but you really don't KNOW them. As you grow closer to them and spend more one-on-one, quality time together, you being to learn more about them.  What they like and dislike.  What their preferences are.  What turns them off.  What their character is like.  

God is the same way - many of us don't really know God much deeper than a surface level.  We have heard about Him, we have maybe been to church, but we've never really spent quality, one-on-one time with Him, so if we're honest, all our thoughts about Him are simply assumptions.  To know anyone you must invest yourself in spending time with them.  And for God, He gave us the Bible to read and get to know Him.  If you want to HEAR Him, you must Know Him more and more!  You do this by talking to Him (prayer) and reading the Bible!  I personally love my miniture/compact Bible because it fits so easily in my purse - here is a super cute, compact Bible!  But a normal-sized Bible like this is great too! I also love and most-often use this Bible app! I have it on my tablet!

My purse & my little Bible! :)

Psalm 1:2 - But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night.  He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither.  Whatever he does prospers.
Psalm 119:34-36 - Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart.  Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight.  Turn my heart toward your Word...

2 - Start obeying God in the Small Things (not just the bigger, obvious things!).
Sometimes I get like this inkling or small thought in my heart to do something...and I kinda laugh it off.  But, I think, what God has been telling me is to follow through on that still, small voice! Obey Him in the small things too, not just the big, black and white issues!

For example, not too long ago I was on an airplane for a work trip.  It was a small plane and I'd began conversing with two of the flight attendents, which was super helpful because I was having some anxiety about flying!  Before we got off the plane, I felt God whisper to my heart, "Tell those two flight attendents that I love them and that I have a purpose for their lives."  I literally heard those specific words, not voiced outloud, but in my spirit.  At first I was thinking that would be really weird and I probably didn't really hear that from God.  But it was pressing on my heart and I made the decision to follow through with what I felt God was telling me to do. So, I searched through my purse for a piece of paper to write them a quick note.  Of course, because of my iphone and my tablet, I don't really keep paper in my purse anymore!  Ha!  I had one old postcard...and I used it!  I wrote those exact words that God told me to write and I handed it to the flight attendents as I deboarded the plane.  I have no idea what they thought of the note, but I do know that I obeyed God in giving it to them.  I also know that when I obey God in the small things, that I will hear him more clearly in the bigger decisions that I more desperately want to hear and am praying about!
Deuteronomy 28:1-2 - If you fully obey the LORD your God and carefully follow all his commands I give you today, the LORD your God will set you high above all the nations on the earth.  All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God.

3 - Surrender Each Day to Him!
I like to do this every morning, before my son wakes up.  I have a prayer time alone with God. Sometimes I have to surrender certain things and people on my heart several times throughout the day.  It just depends on the issue.

One thing that I know can help or hinder our prayers is what's going on inside our hearts.  I don't ever want to be that person (which I'm sure I have been before...none of us is perfect.) that there is some glaring and obvious ISSUE going on in my life, but I'm the ONLY one who can't see it.  I want to be real before God.  I want to be surrendered to Him.  Not only does this bring us peace in letting go of control, but it also helps us to HEAR GOD answer our prayers more clearly.

3 Questions I Ask Myself In Surrendering Myself to God:

1 - Is there anything in my life that I'm pretending to not know? Or that I'm refusing to obey?
Proverbs 28:9 - If anyone turns a deaf ear to the law, even his prayers are detestable. 
2 - Is there an attitude or motive in my heart that is holding me back?
Matthew 6:5 - And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they...love to be seen by men.

3 - Do I have an unforgiveness or a relationship breakdown that I have not properly resolved?

1 Peter 3:7 - Husbands, be considerate as you live with your wives...so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

4 - Trust God.  Trust Him with whatever answer He gives you. Trust that He will bring everything together for good.

This is the hardest one for me!  But this is where our faith become REAL.  This is where the rubber meets the road and we prove to ourselves that we truly do believe not only in God, but we believe God and His Word.  We choose to trust that He is for us and that His way is the best way.  We've read His Word, we've begun obeying, we've prayed and surrendered ourselves to Him...now we must trust.  We can choose to trust.  We can, as sisters in Christ, empower and encourage each other to believe and choose God's ways!

And to be honest, there are times I find myself praying and asking God to speak to me - BUT in my haert of hearts I really want to hear Him ONLY if I can have ______ outcome.  Only if You'll let me have, do, be, say yes/no to _______.   When I catch myself doing this, I remind myself of God's Word and that He says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him," (Romans 8:28a).  When I find myself giving God ultimatums on how i want to hear Him respond, not only am I limiting my true ability to hear Him, but I'm also not trusting that I believe that He will work everything out for my good.  Pretty much, I'm saying that if I can't figure out HOW the outcome to this prayer will make me happy, then I'm just not going to believe it.  I feel so convicted even writing this.  I feel so saddened at my stubborness and unbelief!

Ladies, will you join me in first, asking for forgiveness, and second is asking God to help our unbelief?  Let's spur each other on to trust Him and to trust Him in ALL things!  Let's, together, choose today to open our hearts to Him, spend time with Him, surrender to Him, obey Him and lastly trust Him!  

Love and Blessings to each of you as we pursue this journey of life together!

Xoxo, 

Allison

I wore Spring colors for the first time Spring!  Yay!
What's your favorite Spring-shade to wear? :)

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Why I Started This Blog!

Hi!  My name is Allison and I am passionate about building up and encouraging women!
The main issues I will write about are relationships with our man, with each other, fashion/beauty/modesty, and mostly living out our Christian faith in a practical, real way!

I grew up as the second of four daughters and I have also worked with women (only) for the past 7 years...so I have a bit of insight into our gender! :)  Through these experiences I definitely have heard and felt the struggles, the heart, the fears, and the desires of women.  As women, God made us with unique qualities and gifts, but wouldn't you agree that we also share many traits and desires that knit us together as the same?  

Through working with women and hearing so many heart-similarities, I just felt the call of God to share practical advice and tidbits with other females. I see and talk to so many women who attend Bible Studies, churches, Christian conferences...yet still don't feel at peace and don't know WHO they are!  Ladies, let's get practical and let's get determined to follow and obey God, to become more like Jesus - from our clothing, to our attitudes, to our relationships with our man, to the types of movies we watch... just to name just a few!  In other words, let's choose to apply what we learn from God and CHANGE for the better!  

So this blog will basically cover alllllll sorts of topics - anything and everything having to do with being a woman today - but specifically on living our faith out practically, relationships (with each other & the men in our lives), and beauty tips! And by the way, I definitely don't have it all figured out and definitely am not perfect - nope!  I come humbly to share my thoughts and words in hopes to spur us on together to be real Christian women in the real world! 

Main Topics on My Heart:
- Christian Single Girls - relationships and boundaries with boyfriends.
- Friendship and other predominately girl issues! :)
- Married Women - living out what God says in our marriages.
- Fashion!  Cute, but modest clothes and makeup tips!
- Practically living out the Christian faith, no matter the season of life you are currently in!
What would you like to read more about?  Which topic stands out to you?

I also have been married to my hubby, Paul for 7 years (and we've known each other since we were 12 years old!)!  We have one 4-year old little boy, Josiah, who we adopted at birth!  We are currently searching and praying for our next birth mother and precious baby!  

Thanks so much for starting this journey with me!
Love, 
Allison Davis

My little family! :)

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