Words are powerful. Do you agree? I am a big believer in carefully choosing my words, because I feel their power. And when it comes to my kids, I want to be intentional about speaking life, truth, and hope into them.
One of the most impactful conversations I've had with women (who I respect) and have children who are grown, was when they have taught me how they to affirmed their children. I have been thinking over their counsel, and narrowed it down to 3 main tips I've learned from these women. And by the way, you can use these same exact things to affirm your husband, employees, or anyone!
Let's get started!
1 - When complimenting your child, affirm him/her for who he is, not what he does. This means you are pointing out their excellent character, their attributes, their strengths, their growth in overcoming a weakness, etc,, as opposed to only pointing out the achievement.
Some examples:
Let's get started!
1 - When complimenting your child, affirm him/her for who he is, not what he does. This means you are pointing out their excellent character, their attributes, their strengths, their growth in overcoming a weakness, etc,, as opposed to only pointing out the achievement.
Some examples:
- At the end of my son's Kindergarten year, he read his first book by himself to my husband and I. He was so proud of himself! And so were we! Being a words person, I really wanted to gush a million praises! :) But what I said was, "Josiah! I am so proud of you for reading that entire book. Wow! What an accomplishment! And do you know what I'm most proud of? (pause for his response) I'm most proud of the way you didn't give up. I'm proud of how when you came to the tough words, you stopped and took time to think. That shows you were patient and focused. And wow, God is really helping you to grow!"
So as you can see, I didn't skip over the accomplishment, but I did focus on affirming the growth in character that I saw in him. In the past I may have only said a great job for reading the book. But now I mostly focus on the character and growth I see in him that enabled him to read the book! - I also do this after his soccer games or any sport. For me, it's really easy to focus on the scored goal or the great hit he had and make a big deal about only that. But I've learned to say, "Whooo! Great job on scoring that goal! And I'm proud of how you played your very best and never gave up! I loved seeing that hard work!" Again, I put the focus on the character he displayed, or who he is, not only on the what he did.
3 - Affirm your child in front of other adults.This is one of the best pieces of advice I received from a mom in my business. Her children are almost grown and her first son was getting married. I was talking to her about parenting and she shared with me that one thing she always focused on doing was talking highly and affirming her children when talking to other adults. (Just to be clear, I don't mean that you want to brag about all the wonderful things your kids do/say/etc. Lol!)
What I mean is when another adult mentions something positive about your kids, actually thank them and then affirm what was spoken about your child.
What I mean is when another adult mentions something positive about your kids, actually thank them and then affirm what was spoken about your child.
For example:
- My friend said when they'd be at church or a store and someone would say, "Oh, you have such nice children!" She would say, "Thank you! And I do have great kids. Thank you for noticing!"After my friend shared this advice with me, I became painfully aware of how often moms respond to a compliment about their kids with something along the lines of, "Actually they are rotten!!!" (insert a little giggle).
You know, it's tough to receive a personal compliment, and we often don't accept the compliment and kinda brush it off or defer it. Therefore, when we receive a compliment about our children, we often don't accept that either! BUT our children are listening! How wonderful if instead they would hear us affirming them to others and showing publicly that we are proud of them and their character! And on a side note, how wonderful would it be for us as moms to model accepting a compliment by saying, "Thank you!" instead of putting ourselves down or deferring it! Remember, our children hear that too!!! We model how to smile kindly and accept a compliment, I believe we are also modelling self-worthiness and confidence!
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Do not let unwholesome talk come out of your mouth,
but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. ~ Ephesians 4:29
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Application Questions:
- What are some character strengths your child/children have that you can affirm in them?
- What are some talents God has given them that allow them to use their strengths?
- In what situations can you be aware of affirming your children in front of others?
Love & Blessings,
Love & Blessings,
Allison
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